I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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