haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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