Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
