Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
