she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Two words: blizzard sex
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
