theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
