Having a random hookup so left but love u
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
