We won't sleep together?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
