and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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