I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
