now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
