Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
