return my video game
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
