Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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