i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
