i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
