It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
