True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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