your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Where is the hickey?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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