Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
