Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
