Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
