p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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