I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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