I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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