Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
