Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
