the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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