i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
