You smell like stripper and shame
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
