We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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