Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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