she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
