I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
