I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
there's paper in my vomit.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
