Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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