Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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