You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
