everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
