dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
