guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
im holly from the hills drunk
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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