i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
