UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
