You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
