do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
