I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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