i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
