i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
A bitchslap is in order.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
