I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
