I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
