plz talk dirty to me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
