The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
