I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
