i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
