Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
