Apparently you make a good broom.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
