I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
