Your mouth is God's brothel.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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