i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
