Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
