He uses pillows to masturbate.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
